Personal Stuff 

"dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford" (dtg11) 01/23/2019 at 08:52 • Filed to: None

0

59

You’ve been warned

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. This was the girl I planned to marry and pictured spending my life with. I’m absolutely devastated. I could barely sleep last night. I have no hard feelings towards her mostly because she’s right. The reason is because we just don’t have much in common even if we do get along together well. I guess my biggest fear has come true: all I want for her is to be happy and I can’t be that for her anymore. We still want to be friends and I think we can be, but we’re gonna give each other some space first. I’m not gonna give up on her but I’m also not going to force something that won’t work.

Also right after she told me I had my first panic attack and let me tell you that wasn’t fun, I thought I was gonna die right after the girl I thought was the love of my life broke up with me.

I didn’t come here for attention or for sympathy, I guess I just needed to write what I was thinking.

Nibby > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:07

4

it’s okay, try to distract yourself and keep yourself busy

bob and john > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:09

2

I was in the same boat about a month back.

Keep yourself busy man. Anything you can do, try to. 

Svend > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:09

1

I hope things work out right for you both, whatever happens.

PartyPooper2012 > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:11

3

You’re the shark... there are plenty of fish in the sea

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:13

2

Damn. I’m sorry... Keep open the lines of communication with her going forward in case she has a change of heart , but don’t delay trying to move past this and getting on with your life . LEGO + good music is always good therapy to me. Go do/see some things that you’ve been wanting to, but she wasn’t into. 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Nibby 01/23/2019 at 09:14

0

That’s what I’ve been doing and it helps for sure 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > PartyPooper2012 01/23/2019 at 09:14

1

And I know that but it’s hard to see that when you only wanted that 1 fish

Nibby > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:14

8

good excuse to SHITPOST

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > bob and john 01/23/2019 at 09:15

0

Oh yeah I’ve been trying, I was around or talking to people all last night after it happened 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Svend 01/23/2019 at 09:15

1

I agree. I know that whatever happens it’s for the best

Dru > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:16

2

The fact that you acknowledge you want her to be happy but understand you can’t be that for her is a huge step forward.  It shows maturity on your part.  You will get through this. 

bob and john > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:16

1

you dont game at all do you? 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/23/2019 at 09:17

0

I absolutely want to stay friends with her, whether or not anything more happens. At this point I’ve been spending time with friends and listening to not sad music otherwise I’ll lose it all over again 

Spanfeller is a twat > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:17

1

I lament that this happening to you, breakups are always shitty.

O n the other hand p anic attacks are no joke... try to stay with the least stress possible for the next few days. A member of my family suffered from them almost chronically and it was very painful, but these are easier to control if you notice it early on and are proactive about it.

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Nibby 01/23/2019 at 09:17

0

Very fair point 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Dru 01/23/2019 at 09:18

0

It’s honestly the hardest thing but because I love her I know I need to let her go 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > bob and john 01/23/2019 at 09:19

0

Not really, I have an xbox 360 but I didn’t even bring it to school with me 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Spanfeller is a twat 01/23/2019 at 09:21

0

See I’ve never had one before and I had no idea what was happening. Now any time my heart starts beating faster I’m worried it’s gonna be another one. On top of all that, I transferred to a new school and don’t have many friends and classes are starting today so I am very stressed 

bob and john > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:23

1

mmm, dam it. was going to suggest downloading world of tanks or something.

alternetivly, gym. Its what I started to do. has it helped? kinda. not to mention some of the ladies that are at the gym are not what one would call hard on the eyes.

grab a couple of guy friends and head out to a bar or something once a week. it helps as well. 

fintail > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:24

2

Sounds like it wasn’t meant to be. Just think of what will come next, onwards and upwards, you’ll both be better off.

And for the time being, Ich habe neunundneunzig Probleme :)

WilliamsSW > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:24

4

I’m so sorry. Breakups are brutal- especially when you think you’ve found “ the   one”. It   happened to me twice in my younger days, and looking back on it now, they were right to end it - we weren’t really a perfect match. Odds are, you’ll feel the same way eventually.

Nibby and Davesaddiction give great advice - keep busy, and try some new things that maybe you didn’t have time for before.

You’ll be fine, just keep putting one foot in front of the other!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:25

6

Just make sure that staying friends with her doesn’t become waiting around forever for her to change her mind.

Hope the panic attack thing was “one and done”. 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > bob and john 01/23/2019 at 09:29

0

I might go to the gym although the bar probably isn’t the best idea for me, I’m under age and I’m planning on going into Children’s Ministry (children’s pastor at a church)

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > fintail 01/23/2019 at 09:30

2

I’m still looking forward to the future, even if she isn’t in it

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > WilliamsSW 01/23/2019 at 09:31

0

Thanks, I appreciate it 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/23/2019 at 09:33

1

I realize that’s definitely a danger but if that’s the case I might put some distance between us. Only time will tell. And I’m hoping so too

Chariotoflove > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:38

2

I’m in the camp that says physical activity is good. It moves your thoughts and gets endorphins working. Also, being friends is nice, but give her some distance for now and do things without her. Allow new patterns to set. 

Mercedes Streeter > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:39

2

*Hugs* I’m so so sorry!

At the very least I’m glad you’re not fully losing her. A lot of my good friends today are people I dated or tried to date. One thing that’s helped me is that while it’s good to not give up on her, know when to quit. Otherwise you’ll be hoping she’ll change her mind forever, only making yourself more miserable and missing shots you should have taken with other people.

In the meantime, be good to yourself. Panic attacks aren’t a joke. Even t ake a few days off if it helps. <3

bob and john > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:44

2

fair.

So, here is some other stuff to think a bout...

At the end of the day, you are a human too. All this bullshit about ‘you are a guy get over it” is horse crap. it is totally fine to crank some music and cr y for a bit. it really is. and fuck anyone else that says other wise.

Social media. delete her from all of it. Stay in touch by all means. but other then that, gone.

make a alt rock play list. Something more up beat, more fun. Personally, I’ve been listening to “ All I want” by A Day to Remember, “Boys of the Summer” by The Ataris, and a couple of remixes (Jiggers remix of “how to save a life” By the Fray


I’m not going to lie to you, your next two weeks are going to SUCK. but it does get better. I promise you that

BeaterGT > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:53

2

Sorry to hear it. Breakups can be rough at any point in life. Focus on yourself, the TSX, your family, and your friends.

someassemblyrequired > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 09:54

1

Run out and grab yourself the Lego Saturn V while there’s no one to stop you...

But seriously, life has a way of working out. And while it’s good to have some stuff in common, it’s also good to have some interests of your own in a relationship.

There are plenty of folks out there, get outside, hit the bars, hang with friends and just do stuff. Also protip: I was shocked when I got to 30 and saw many of the career-minded professional women I knew (all with long lists of accomplishments) single. These were people I wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking out when I knew them in college. Catch up with old friends, I’m betting there’s at least one just hoping that someone would ask them over to put together a Lego set.

PartyPooper2012 > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 10:02

3

old jewish saying goes something like this

Man plans
God laughs.

Hope you catch my drift. 

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 10:17

2

Not that this will help, but being with someone who has little in common with you can actually be a very good thing. It gives you both experiences in things you wouldn’t usually experience.

Honestly life would be boring if my wife and I had any more in common, it’s the differences that make it fun, and give us things to talk about.

Sorry to hear about your breakup, hopefully things will look up for you.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 10:22

2

Better that it ends now than later. Sometimes it just isn’t going to work :(

shop-teacher > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 10:26

2

I’m sorry to hear that man. This is one of those unfortunate parts of growing up. It sucks to go through, but in the end you’ll come through a str onger and wiser person.  Hang in there!

Future Heap Owner > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 11:34

5

I’m sad to see this . The exact same thing happened to me at the beginning of December. It sucks. You’re gonna feel terrible for a few weeks , but you will slowly begin to feel better.

Spend a lot of time with friends. Lean on routine. Distract yourself with fun things when it gets really hard. Try to make new, positive habits with your new free time. It seems like you’re doing most or all of these things already, so I think you’re gonna come out of this alright.

If you remain on edge about another possible panic attack, you should see somebody. Heck that might be worth doing anyways.   Does your school have a counselor, or can you see a therapist under your medical insurance?

It’s gonna be really tough. But i t’s helped me to realize that most people go through something like this, and then go on to find someone else that they are happy with and build a life together.

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Chariotoflove 01/23/2019 at 12:12

1

We’re giving each other at least a week before we even do anything in a group setting, but it’ll probably be more

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Mercedes Streeter 01/23/2019 at 12:14

0

I can’t really take days off of college sadly. At this point I’m just scared I’ll lose her as a friend too, I know things might not always work out

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > bob and john 01/23/2019 at 12:17

1

I’ve already started that, I deleted pictures of us together on social media,   every one of us on my phone, etc. The best thing I can do is accept and move on and not remind myself. I’ve already had 1 cathartic music cry fest and I’m probably gonna have a few more before the day is over and that’s okay. And I’ve really been getting into alt rock recently, so I appreciate those suggestions

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > BeaterGT 01/23/2019 at 12:18

0

That’s my plan although I still don’t know what’s happening with my TSX, I don’t have it because I’m at college and it’s scheduled to go to the body shop on monday

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > someassemblyrequired 01/23/2019 at 12:19

1

Thanks, I appreciate it. I’m making lots of new friends and staying in touch with old.

I’d love that Saturn rocket but alas I don’t have the money 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > PartyPooper2012 01/23/2019 at 12:20

0

That’s about how it feels but it’s okay. I know God’s in control and everything happens for a reason, whether I like it or not 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness 01/23/2019 at 12:21

1

I’m hoping so too. I’m not giving up on her yet but I also don’t want it to hold me back, so we’ll see what happens I guess 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > shop-teacher 01/23/2019 at 12:22

0

I know that but sometimes growing up really stinks. I still have hope for the future and am excited about my new college and major

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > Future Heap Owner 01/23/2019 at 12:24

1

My school does have a counselor and I’ll probably visit them sooner than later. I know these next weeks are gonna suck but I’ve just gotta focus on what I have to look forward to 

BeaterGT > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 12:25

1

Well, at least that gives you something to stay on top of.  There should be more than enough to keep you busy at school, but if not, there’s always Oppo and Craigslist.

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > BeaterGT 01/23/2019 at 12:30

1

That’s the plan for now, at least when friends are busy 

CaptDale - is secretly British > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 12:44

2

Dude... I am right there with you. I recently became single too from partners I’d planned on spending my life with. It suck and it hurts a lot. And honestly it is going to take a lot of time to heal from it. It does help a little getting out and doing stuff with friends. Trying to remember that them not being as active in your life isn’t the end. You still have your hobbies and other friends.

I too am trying to still be friends though too. That part is really hard. It is hard not to feel wrong or sad seeing them and doing stuff and it feels like when you were together but now you miss out on the kiss goodbye and those other little things. Take some time to yourself though whenever you need it. I had to ask for some time away and it took 3 weeks before I finally just needed to talk to them again.

Things will be ok though. Life will go on and you’ll find someone eventually.

I also suggest seeing a therapist if you start having any issues. I have had to and my first appointment is this Friday. I hope it goes well, but it is needed and you should never feel bad for needing help.

shop-teacher > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 12:47

1

Growing up straight up sucks in many ways. That said, I wouldn’t give up what I know now to go back.

What’s the new college/major?

bob and john > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 12:58

1

If you need to talk to someone or whatever, my email is: Peternegru1995@hotmail.ca. I’m always willing to lend an ear and help you through this shit. 

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > bob and john 01/23/2019 at 16:44

1

I appreciate it. I have it saved if I need to talk to someone.

Spanfeller is a twat > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 17:30

1

Hopefully everything will ease out as time passes. But keep an eye on it....

nermal > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 18:47

1

Sorry to hear that.

Being friends only works until one of you moves on to somebody else faster than the other. Once that happens, the person that didn’t move on will be left even more sad and depressed and lonely. There is no defensive play here, you need to go on offense.

Get rid of EVERYTHING from the relationship. Pictures, gifts, etc. Throw it all away. Then hit the gym aggressively , and at the same time pursue a passion that you’ve always wanted to. With that in order, move on quickly and get back into dating. The ultimate goal is to not only make yourself more attractive, but also get with somebody more attractive than her. That way you can rub it in her stupid face the next time you run into each other.

Remember, it’s ok to shag her friends, but it is not ok to send them unsolicited wiener pics. Very important!

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > shop-teacher 01/23/2019 at 19:41

1

I’m going to Southwest Baptist University, it’s near Springfield Missouri and I’m a children’s ministry major

dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford > CaptDale - is secretly British 01/23/2019 at 19:45

1

We’re planning on at least trying to talk to each other in 2 weeks, once we’ve got a rhythm on our own. I’m looking at visiting the college therapist, we’ll see

CaptDale - is secretly British > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/23/2019 at 19:53

1

Good luck to you. If you ever need to talk or anything I don’t know if I’ll be help, but I’ll lend my ear.

pip bip - choose Corrour > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/24/2019 at 04:28

0

go and get hammered this weekend then start th e d ating scene again

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/24/2019 at 15:18

1

I’m sorry to hear that. But the good news is life will go on.

“This was the girl I planned to marry and pictured spending my life with.”

I remember thinking like that in my 20s. In my case, I actually did get married.

I’m divorced now with 2 kids I have full time.

Having done it, I’d say that marriage is way overrated. It will not make you happy and it won’t fix any relationship issues. Legally, all it is is a money, asset and liability sharing agreement.

If I had to do it all over again, I would never get married. Instead I would cohabit. I would still have kids... just in a common-law/cohabitation agreement.

Look at it this way.... a breakup before getting married is far less costly (emotionally and financially) than getting divorced.

This just may be a blessing in disguise... though it’s impossible to ever be completely sure.

“I have no hard feelings towards her mostly because she’s right. The reason is because we just don’t have much in common even if we do get along together well.”

My gut tells me she’s full of shit. If you truly had nothing in common, then you wouldn’t get along well with her.

My guess (based on my 20+ years dating) is that she’s not telling you the whole truth. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has her eyes on another guy and thus, invented some issues between you and her and used that as an excuse to end things.

Having said that, there’s no point in staying in a relationship the other person doesn’t want to be in... that’s bad for the self-esteem.

“I guess my biggest fear has come true: all I want for her is to be happy and I can’t be that for her anymore.”

You can’t make someone happy. A person’s happiness is their own responsibility. Sure you can do nice things for them and you can have nice experiences with them. But it’s important to put your own happiness first.

And some people, in my experience, will be miserable no matter what you do. That was the case of my Ex.

“We still want to be friends and I think we can be, but we’re gonna give each other some space first. I’m not gonna give up on her but I’m also not going to force something that won’t work.”

Don’t be surprised if she does ‘the fade’. Also don’t be surprised if she makes a sudden reappearance if she finds out you’ve started dating someone else.

You can’t do anything about the first thing. But if the 2nd thing happens, keep her firmly in the Friend Zone.

“Also right after she told me I had my first panic attack and let me tell you that wasn’t fun, I thought I was gonna die right after the girl I thought was the love of my life broke up with me.”

That reminds me of when I had my first panic attack... it was when my wife left with the kids and left a note accusing me of stuff I didn’t do. She was gone for 5 days and during that time, I didn’t know where my kids were. And after that happened, I visited my mom and had coffee/cake at her place... and I saw a picture of my now-ex, the kids and me on her fridge and a froze... couldn’t do anything while my heart raced.

It was horrible.

“I didn’t come here for attention or for sympathy, I guess I just needed to write what I was thinking.”

And that’s a healthy thing to do. I started writing a journal when the shit happened to me and I found it also very helpful. It forces to to organize and dump all the bad thoughts.

Anyway... my sympathies... and things WILL get better.  Just give it some time.

Mercedes Streeter > dtg11 - is probably on an adventure with Clifford 01/24/2019 at 16:34

1

Aw shucks, being in school makes this harder. Still, do whatever you have to do to keep yourself in good health and spirits. And hopefully she can still be your friend as well!